You are walking in a mall ... no matter whether it has 5 or 305 shops in it ... and suddenly there is a blur of movement next to you and a young person jumps out in front of you brandishing either a strip of cardboard with a scent on it, or a tiny jar containing a sample of eye/lip/cheek/face/knee/thigh/arm cream which will change your life. At the same price as a bond payment.
With all due respect, they have a definite profile when employing their staff - the ladies must have long black hair, good figures and the tenacity of a pitbull. The men must be slim, look good in black pants and have black hair. Also here the tenacity of a pitbull is mandatory.
The jump in front of you comes with the words "try this cream to change your face, you have beautiful skin this will make it better" or my all time favourite slung at me in Menlyn "this will make you look younger" ... that is always a brilliant sales pitch to a 49 year old.
The problem is that if you say "no thanks", as most do, they then go into full jawlock mode and start following you for a few steps. This is where it gets awkward. I have now found the following to be slightly effective:
- Do NOT make eye contact ... at all. Whether this means you must burrow in your handbag, adjust your pants zip, walk sucked up against the store windows, get hiccups or vomit ... do not engage them in any way.
- Put your cellphone against your ear ..... you will become the master of speaking to yourself. Just ensure it does not ring whilst you are doing this. Have an animated conversation ... wave your arms, shout if necessary.
I remember in December (sounds like lyrics) when Jess, Nic and I were in the mall somewhere. We spotted aforementioned salespersons (always be vigilant!!!) and Jess and I immediately did the phone to the ear thing. Nic did not have his with him and started to look around panic stricken. "Just leave a guy hanging", he muttered before grabbing onto his sister's arm and developing what appeared to be temporary blindness - also meant with great respect.
So imagine my horror when I was at OR Tambo at the end of May, and whilst walking from Fournos above the arrivals hall, I saw that blur (too late) and ta da "would you like to improve your skin" jumped out of nowhere. This is an airport, an international one at that. There are stores, yes, which people CHOOSE to go into. There are plenty of other vendors in that strip, yes, but they wait for you to approach them. So I was disappointed to find this there. Also international visitors, made skittish by the media, may think they are about to be mugged.
And I tried to be nice, really, but I did tell her where to put that damn cream. And followed a few steps ....
Till soon
K xxx
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